Vincent Carabeo
22 октября 2018
Life update❗️I recently went on a solo trip to the Oregon Coast and it was exactly what I needed. I spent time alone and let myself feel all that I’ve been holding back. I guess I’ve been pretty angry about my results and being told that chemo didn’t work. Chemo was brutal and I went through hell. But I powered through with the mindset that I will beat this cancer. This past Friday I had an appointment with my Oncologist because I had to tell him that the lump on my neck is back. Unfortunately, this isn’t a good sign. He’s usually a bit more optimistic but after disclosing to him that I’d love to adopt a kid when I’m 35 — he said that I’m probably not going to make it to 35. I was told that if we don’t get my cancer under control I have less than a year and even if I did — I’d have a few good years but long term plans are not realistic. I felt really confused and still do. Hearing those words were painful. I didn’t cry but every part of me wanted to just drop to the floor. I’m not giving up and I’m still going to fight this. It’s taken me a few days to let this reality sink in but I’m feeling a bit better and optimistic as fuck. This Wednesday I’m seeing a different Oncologist to see what clinical trials are available to me. Let’s hope they give me better news, I could really use it. But that’s where I’m at and I promise to keep fighting. Cheers if you made it this far on this very long update. Thank you, I appreciate you and I love you.
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I met with a different oncologist about two weeks ago and was told that participating in a clinical trial is my best option. It was scary having to sit there and go through page by page of everything that could go wrong. I mean, I'm basically going to become a test subject to see if these drugs can cure my cancer. At this point I don't really have a lot of options and I still have a lot of fight in me — so why not. Go big or stay sick, right? It's been tough waiting around. I feel anxious all the time. It's frustrating that this may help me but I have to wait until my insurance approves every test and general care I need. Somebody has to get paid I guess 🤷🏽♂ Then they’ll run all these tests to see if I’m a right fit for this trial. As each day passes, I lose my mind more and more. Everyone tells you to hang in there and be patient but it's so different being on the other end. I try my best to keep it together but some days it’s just overwhelming. Work has definitely been helpful in keeping my mind distracted. But my creative side has taken a back seat. It's been tough keeping up with my photography. So today I'm promising myself to get back into it. Push myself again and who knows maybe I’ll take on some projects or finally start printing my work. I’ll keep you all updated. As always — thank you, I appreciate you and I love you. More photos to come 🤘🏽 P.S. #fuckyoucancer
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This is me making an effort to get back into it...by editing photos that I never edited last year 😂 Shoutout to @evelynsees for being such an inspiring person in my life. Bill Gates scholar hailing from a public school in Hawaii. From teaching and doing community work, specially in the Filipino community, to being a badass female in tech (@pinterest) Come back so we can reminisce about college days, social issues while stuffing our faces with Filipino food 🤣
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Exactly a week from today, I start my clinical trial. After numerous tests, blood draws, scans, and health insurance headaches, I got accepted. Finally. Crossing my fingers that this is the miracle I need to beat this. I don’t know if I’m more excited that I finally get to start treatment again or nervous at the thought of being sick and weak. My Oncologist said this will be a walk in the park compared to my first chemo treatment. I’ve been feeling weaker each day so I find comfort that in finally doing something. I’m going to hold on to hope that this will be it. This will be the cure and before you know it I’m off on endless road trips and adventures. Cheers to that and #fuckyoucancer
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Today I met up with a friend (@ikthottam) who stayed in Hawaii for a month and a half. She brought back a lei for me and just smelling it made me miss Hawaii. I told her how envious I am these days of people who have the ability to just travel. Pick up and go. I miss that life. Seriously hope that this will all be over soon and I’ll get to just pack up and leave to wherever my heart desires...and whatever my wallet can afford 😂 For now, here’s a photo from home.
P.s. if you have even the slightest urge to travel, I challenge you to just do it and go. Enjoy it! There’s so much to see out there. I’ll live vicariously through you!
#momenttele #iphonex #shotonmoment #shotoniphone
